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Memories

12/23/2022

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The holidays always leave me feeling a little sad. I find myself reflecting on all that I’ve accomplished,or not, over the last year (heck, over my lifetime) and missing people from my past.


I miss the giddy anticipation of laying in bed just long enough on Christmas morning that mom and dad would agree to get up. I miss the way my Grandma B would exclaim in joy over every single gift given to her and hug each one to her chest as though it was her most prized possession. It seemed silly sometimes, but the older me gets it now.


I miss gathering at Grandma and Grandpa Latta’s on Christmas Eve to spoil myself on homemade candies before we all crammed into her tiny living room to sing Christmas carols. She loved that so much. I suppose looking back, it wasn’t the songs she loved quite so much as looking around the room at her beautiful creation. A family, pausing from the chaos of life to gather and be grateful for the blessings we so often overlook. I know this now because it’s the same way I feel. Every Christmas Eve I sit in that very same living room bestowing the miracles I created and I am filled with gratitude beyond words.


Today, I get a bit of that childhood giddiness as I prepare for our next Christmas Eve where we will snack too much & laugh just enough. My kiddos are all staying over and on Christmas morning I will survey the room as they celebrate this gift of life and each other. And I’ll channel a little bit of my over the top Grandma B as I give thanks for this wonderful gift.


Wishing you all joy and love this holiday season and in all the days to come.


❤️🙏🏻
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who really knows

11/21/2022

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I was reflecting over my only other two blog posts and how much has changed - and not changed - in the last two years. Wow. Two years. I often say 2020 and 2021 only count as one year. I hear a lot of similar comments from others. It all has gone so fast. Many have found their new normal and resettled back into life and routines. Some are still trying to shake it all out. I can say for me, nothing about the last few years has gone as expected.

​I keep coming back to this life nugget I gave a younger friend:
I remember when I was 20, I thought I knew everything. I had a kid, a "career", and a house. I definitely had things figured out. And then I turned 30. I could look back and admit I didn't know as much as I thought I did. But now? NOW I have it figured out. Three kids. Plenty of experience in life, work, and relationships under my belt. Now I am golden. Then came my 40s. Holy shit. I don't know SQUAT. None of us do! The only advantage I have is now I'm wise enough to KNOW I DONT KNOW. And the sooner we can admit we don't know diddly, the better off we are.

This should be slightly terrifying. A bunch of don't-know-diddly adults running around pretending to have a clue. Instead though, I not only find it humorous, but comforting. First, it's entertaining to look back at younger versions of ourselves and think of all the things we did, "knew", etc... On top of that, it's comforting to realize that even the most confident among us don't truly have it ALL figured out. We all have areas we can learn or grow in. The saying "It takes a village" doesn't apply just to children. It applies to humans. It really takes the knowledge and experiences of us all as a whole to get through.

I also always say: You don't know what you don't know.

So...where does that put me now? I give up on trying to have everything figured out. Some days, I successfully navigate and get to end the day without thinking too hard about it all. Other days, I find myself questioning everything, determined to figure out life and racking my brain (and heart) over the whys and hows of life.

Actually, as I type this, I am laughing and realizing I am STILL dead set on having all the answers. I'm a paradox. I guess that's just how some of us are wired. Determined to have the answers. But I ain't gonna lie.... I don't have a freaking clue! I guess the only difference is now I am ok saying it.

If I figure it all out, I'll let you guys know.
Until then... Be Kind. <3

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Adaptation

11/27/2020

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If 2020 hasn’t caused change in your life, you’re one of few! Between pandemics & natural disasters, the Midwest has been rocked. Change, adaptation, and coping are now required skills.
It is our hardest times that teach us the most and help us grow. I have had to remap and adapt several times as a business owner. I have had to help my children adapt and cope as their schooling and activities change again and again.
While this year has brought its share of challenges, it has also brought its share of growth. Hidden blessings in forced change. As I reflect over it all and continue to plan my next moves (with backup plans B, C, and D given the year’s history), I find myself grateful for the impact of it all.
Slowing down has always been hard for me. At some point around 2000 I hit the ground running and never stopped. I thrive on being busy and productive. I feel better checking items off the list. I work best under pressure and worst with none. 
Needless to say, the forced slow down of a pandemic threw me for a whirl. The first two weeks were a series of panic attacks as I worried about where we were supposed to be or what we were supposed to be doing. Reminding myself that there was nowhere and nothing offered little relief. The subsequent two weeks found me managing the depressing thought that all aspects of my life outside of the home were “optional”. I’m “non-essential”. This is something you know in fitness. Memberships are an “extra” in people’s lives and the first things cut when reducing spending. However, the endless hours and energy I had poured into committees, boards, and projects, also stopped suddenly. All the things I had devoted so much of my life to were now deemed unimportant.
Now, before you start analyzing me, realize this was all a part of the mental process of dealing with a global pandemic and shutdown. The logical bits of my brain quietly reminded me in the background that my work had mattered and that my time and efforts weren’t wasted.
As I filtered through the feelings and adapted to the changes, I realized I was so happy to have a break. The extra time with my kids was a blessing. They also found gratitude in the slow down. No pressure to perform. No crazy nights rushing from activity to activity. No stress about being late. No worries about letting somebody down. Listening to their thoughts on it all, especially my youngest, was an eye opener for me. We had created this culture of rushing and a need to be busy in our home that was ludacris and unnecessary.
The impact of 2020 events gave us the time to evaluate how we had gotten here and, more importantly, what we want the future to look like.
I have chosen to pursue a better balance. I will continue to pursue my passions, but be choosier about the rest. I encourage my children to follow suit. We will focus on making time for each other and enjoying the simpler moments. I will focus on serving my household before others and making the most of these final years with them home.
So, while there has been loss and strain and  sadness, it has all been a hidden blessing. A higher power has given us a chance to pause and recalculate. We have been reminded that the path isn’t always easy, nor is it always the one we had planned to take. I always say if you look for the light in a situation, it will be easier to get through. Let’s take this opportunity, this pause, this redirect, to remember what is truly important and focus on that.
Wishing you all the best, Jolynne

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What the f... ?

11/13/2020

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​What seems like a lifetime ago, I attended a little seminar with some badass Bs about taking control of my social marketing. Like most other things in my life, I shoved that in a file for later...

Enter: Later.

Today, as I reach the bottom of a [literal] 8” stack of items shoved in a file, I am face to face with this little outline. Actually, that’s a lie. I was face to face with it last night. I closed the file and went to bed.

Having procrastinated all I could today, I open the file, determined to no longer be haunted by it's holdings.

In my brief moment of motivation following this seminar, I had mapped out a theme for all of my social posts. Fridays? Fridays are for the Fs. My favorite things start with F. Food. Furbabies. Fitness. “You know" hehehe.

But, as today is Friday, the 13th in 2020, FEAR seems like a fitting topic.

2020 has given me wayyyy too much time to evaluate every gawd forsaken inch of my life. Relationships (romantic and not), parenting, career, every decision ever made... I’ve lost some people and gained some people. I’ve learned a crap ton about myself and also am just as lost as ever.

Soooooo....what does fear have to do with any of this? I have lived in constant fear all year of whether or not my business will survive. I entered uncharted territory when I ended an almost 6 year relationship and was alone for the first time in my life. I walked away from organizations I have poured my soul into that were draining me, unsure the ripple effect it could have. Unsure how I would be judged for walking away. I have lived in fear of getting sick, being unable to work/pay bills, and more so of making others sick. After a while, that fear WIPES. YOU. OUT. You just sort of crash. The passion, joy, and drive fizzle. I have admittedly been in a lull for a while, unsure what I’m supposed to be doing.

You see, I’m a girl with a plan. It may sometimes be a last minute plan, but I always know what I’m going to do next. When I find myself plan-less, it’s like a record on skip.... It’s pathetic really. The reality is, I’ve been on skip for most of 2020.

Fear of the unknown can halt us in our tracks. Fear to take the next step. Fear of what the future might bring. Fear of failure. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of investment with no return. {....like the life sucking pattern of remapping every three weeks because COVID is currently impacting every aspect of your life....}  Fear often brings his friend hopelessness and then here we are. Record on skip.

Then hits ‘Rona. Here I sit in quarantine, avoiding my family & friends, faced with all the things I was afraid to deal with the last several months. If I don’t address the numbers, or the finances, or the facts, they can’t hurt me. Right?? (This is false, for the record.) I now have copious amounts of time and zero excuses to fully address these things. Yay.

Well, the good news is, I have many personalities! As it turns out, Me With A Plan, has silently been at it in the background. My subconscious plan had become: Go with the flow til something reveals itself. Stop fighting the universe. Months ago, I took another side job to pay the bills at home. (A theme in the life of many a small business owner.) I kept my heart open and did some things I needed to do in my personal life. I trudged away at the gym, doing my best to simplify operations and keep things clean and safe.

I made sure to pay what needed paid. Got rid of the extras. Got. Off. Amazon. Enjoyed the new found free time and chance to reconnect with myself. And as I evaluate the numbers, all that simplifying helped me pay off some debt. It helped me remove some toxic people. It helped me come to terms with some of my own toxicity. (Ouch.)

The whole time I’d been convinced I was trapped in a fearful stall, I was actually letting the current carry me safely forward.

To be honest, I don’t know if my business will survive or ever truly thrive again. I don’t even know if I care. I don’t know if my heart will ever fully heal and let me give in to the happiness I dream about. I don’t know if I’ll ever get my sense of smell back...

But what I do know is that I can’t live in fear. I can’t let all of this consume me and overrun my faith.

I’ve only ever been this uncertain of the future once before in my life. I realize, however as I did back then, that I’m ready for the next chapter. I realize that it’s ok to be scared (downright terrified in fact), because everything that has ever been worth it has been scary. I realize my only actual plans are “one day at a time” and “don’t die”. But I also realize that whatever comes next, will be meant for me and I just have to breathe through the fear of unknowing. How? Faith over fear. I have faith in all that has already been. Faith in my ability to control my future by controlling the paths that I choose. Faith in a universe that has blessed me with many amazing people, adventures, and memories.

So fuck fear. I mean, a little bit keeps us smart and savvy, but it has no rule here. Time to take a deep breath (well...deepish... damn ‘rona) and trudge headstrong and blindly into the unknown! One slow, faithful step at a time.

We can do this, loves. Just keep breathing. Faith over fear. <3

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    Ramblings

    Random ramblings, thoughts, and insights to entertain, inspire, or inform

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